Low Self Esteem Symptoms
I would like to share with you my personal experiences about some low self esteem symptoms and how to fix them.
Low Self Esteem symptom # 1- Blaming others: Stop complaining
This is usually known as complaining. I used to complain a lot in the past. Of course it was always everybody else fault. I found that this kind of behavior is a symptom of low self esteem. In blaming others I did not assumed responsibility. By not assuming responsibility I became a victim of my circumstances. This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this?. I took the decision to not complain any more. Every time I found myself complaining about something . I stop and I say to myself: Is time to take responsibility.
Low self esteem symptom # 2 – Denial:
This is my favorite one; I leaved many years on denial. I used to minimize problems, forgetting events. I did not want to feel the pain. Despite the evidence, my tendency was to insist that it was not true.
For example. When my father died, it was around 11:00 pm and I called one of my best friends. I told her that I needed to do some shopping and kept talking about trivial issues. She knew me very well, and I after I finished my talking she said: “I am sorry your father is gone” .This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this?. I took the decision to start taking the risk of feeling my feelings. I realized that it is better feeling the pain once than keep feeling it all the time without knowing what was going on inside of me. This is like having a toothache and avoid going to the dentist to avoid the pain. So we take medication hoping that the pain will go away, until we cannot bury it anymore and we make the appointment.
Low self esteem symptom # 4 – Unable to express our feelings:
Being unable to express our feelings is being unable to feeling them. This is my favorite one too. I was unable to know what I was feeling. For example. I felt anger and I did not know how to express it. Whenever somebody asked me: Are you angry?. I smiled and I said: “No, I am not angry”. The truth is that I was confused about my feelings, and I felt afraid to express them. I did not understand that anger could be a healthy feeling. I always thought it was bad so I repressed it. This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I overcome this?. I decided to be brave and start to express my feelings . I learn how to be more assertive . For example, my husband is always late, and I am punctual. So, every time we go out, I am ready. He is always doing things at the last minute and this makes me really angry. I used to smile and said nothing . I did not wanted to ruin the day. Instead of doing this one day I told him : “I am really uncomfortable when we have to go out and you are never ready and we are late”. Just being able to express myself in this way had helped me a lot in not repressing my anger anymore.
Low self esteem symptom # 5- Depending on others for self-acceptance:
I used to depend on others to accept myself, I thought: if you like me, I am ok. If you accept me, I will accept myself. . Always waiting for a sign of approval so that I could feel good about myself.This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this? Well, I become aware that people have different point of view, that sometimes they project in us their frustrations, and that if somebody really loves me, he or she will take me the way I am. I felt relief, just being conscious that we cannot please everyone and giving myself permission to be me. It had helped me to accept myself not worrying about others opinions.
This is like when you get your hair done, and then meet people and you are waiting for somebody to praise me. If you meet a friend, let’s say, and she says, what have you done with your hair! I liked it the way it was before!!, you start to feel uncomfortable, and doubt about your new style. If you accept yourself and you are not waiting for other people’s acceptance, you will be conformable no matter what others say.
Low self esteem symptom # 6 – Lack personal boundaries:
I did not know how to draw a line between my problems and other’s problems. I let people to be invasive. This behavior is linked with no knowing how to say no. I used to be so mixed up, that when I meat somebody with a problem, I internalized as mine. For example. I remembered once a new co-worker got hired . We meat and he started to ask too many personal questions. Even though I felt uncomfortable I answered the questions.This is a sign of low self esteem.
How did I change this?. Well this experience occurred to me again. Because I was determined to set boundaries with other people, I could handle this in a different way. I just told her that I was not comfortable answering personal questions. I did not answered them. The good thing is that my co-worker understood my request and we had an excellent relationship. Setting boundaries is really important. We can still help other people, be nice to them but there is a place inside of us that we have to respect and do not have fear of rejection.
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with”. Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.